tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31894791626997040822023-11-15T05:09:48.979-08:00New Level Counseling CornerInsights, Ideas and Suggestions for People interested in Therapy/Counseling. Parenting tips and Self Help Suggestions.
Visit my site www.newlevelcounseling.com;
404-702-8474Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-1436736659129319662018-11-13T14:15:00.001-08:002018-11-13T14:18:19.017-08:00Improving Communicating after Breakups Communication can be a challenge no matter the circumstances. It's especially difficult if emotions are running high. If you are recently divorced you most likely have run into problems in this department. The suggestions that I have will not be as helpful if your ex is under the influence of substances, or if they are the reincarnation of Stalin! There are limits for everything...<br />
That being said, the suggestions are simple, but challenging to put into practice.<br />
To begin with, it would be helpful if you created a Persona for this new stage of your life. A Persona is the mask you wear in different settings; you have a "Party Persona", a "Work Persona" etc. Create one that has nothing to do with being a victim. If you have one that feels like it's problem-solving focused and cooperative, use that one. Put on your Cooperative Persona and ... TRY TO COOPERATE! Notice if you had a physical aversion to this idea just now after reading. Take a deep breath if you did, and have faith that things will get better.<br />
Here are a few suggestions on how to go about practicing this. First off, reconnect with the memory of falling in love and marrying this person. That person may not be visible any longer, but surely some qualities are still there. This is why it was so hard for you to leave them in the first place. So take some time and remember the human-being behind the betrayal, or the anger, or the frustration. When you're talking to your ex, try to remember this person. Attempt to leave your grievances and betrayal at the door. Make the effort to remember the likable human-being underneath. Find yourself a good therapist who can help you clear up all of your toxic feelings toward the person so that it will less effect your interactions with him/her.<br />
Prevent yourself from shifting into hostility, arguments, passive-aggressive responses, or bitterness. Stay with the persona of "cooperation". If the other party won't play along, be okay with walking away and letting them know that you will try this again another time. A helpful resource is a book series called "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. Reading it can help you become more skillful at communicating.<br />
You once loved this person enough to try for a life together. That part of your life is still worth honoring. If you need to fake the attitude until it comes more naturally, do so. It's the anger and hurt that your ego and heart have suffered that prevents decent, effective communication. Stop operating from your woundedness. Notice I've said nothing about forgiveness here. You can make room for that later.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-33552761577022744842018-08-18T18:56:00.002-07:002018-08-18T18:56:51.838-07:00How to handle being a target of gossip<span id="docs-internal-guid-e163fc39-7fff-f24c-68fb-37964b589d65"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span id="docs-internal-guid-e163fc39-7fff-f24c-68fb-37964b589d65"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It's perfectly human to want to experience acceptance and feel liked by others. But at some point in time you will fail in this pursuit. Whether in the workplace, at school, or on social media, you are bound to be on the receiving end of gossip, slander or a personality conflict. Automatically, you will want to defend yourself, or want to win the person over. But sometimes this isn’t plausible, safe, or in your best interest. My field of counseling is one of many where the ethics of confidentiality prevent us from telling “our side” of the story. In the work place, or at school, retaliation may add fuel to the fire, making the situation worse and even unsafe. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I often think of the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gospel of Matthew as helpful in situations like this...where Jesus teaches "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; but I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">cheek</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">turn</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to him the </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">other</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> also”. To me, this teaching is about staying in your integrity. To be on the defensive robs us of our power and hands it over to our perpetrator. Here are a few ideas to help restore your inner sanctity if you have been wronged in some way.</span></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-e163fc39-7fff-f24c-68fb-37964b589d65">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">In Buddhism, Equanimity refers to the state of being calm in the midst of difficulty. This state of mind is cultivated through mindfulness; one such meditation is to imagine the person who has created your suffering as a being who, just like you, experiences love, joy, as well as pain, lose, etc. They too, suffer and have been victims of unkindness. Practice this daily for a few minutes and you may begin to feel the shifting of the struggle. The perspective of feeling like a victim of an angry, or mean spirited person shifts to the perspective of being fundamentally alike and thus they hold no power over you. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3f4346; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">There is an old Chinese proverb: “Slander cannot destroy an honest man; when the flood recedes the rock is there".</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">While it is painful to feel a target of untruth and gossip we must attempt to preserve what is true in ourselves and live inside our integrity. When the flood water of gossip dies, the truth of who you are remains. Even if you alone know it to be so. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Here is another thought; pick three people to tell your story to and only speak of it to those three. Author, Carolyn Myss recommends using this as a guide, so as to not give all your power away to an unpleasant event. Choose a few safe people to unburden to and then choose not to talk about it anymore- let it go. You can do a ritual around letting go, such as writing a letter to the person and burning the letter,weeding out your garden and let the weeks be the negative person, or cleaning your closet and envisioning cleaning out the negative feelings.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My final contribution to this topic is to make it a point to not participate in malicious gossip, or slander. Do your best to not pass ugliness forward. If you need to complain about someone, do so with the awareness that there are 3 sides to any story; yours, theirs and, somewhere in the middle; the truth. As parents, teach your kids that words hurt and words have power, so wield them carefully. The challenge for all of us is practicing how to speak our truth while attempting to keep from squelching someone else’s spirit.</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-7460857811421385152015-12-27T16:01:00.000-08:002015-12-27T16:01:27.352-08:00Kids being helped by horses in Equine Assisted Counseling:
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Equine Assisted Counseling can be so effective for a number of reasons. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The greatest cause of it's effectiveness is the bond factor that is right there at the core of us all. We
need to bond and feel connected to others including nature and animals. When we
learn to connect safely to an animal the ability to have safe human connections follows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The horse is a non-judgmental,
feedback provider. They respond to our emotions, especially our strong ones like
fear and anxiety and doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
therapist uses this information from the horse to get to the bottom of what is
going on with in the child. Feelings are sometimes hard to describe; the horse
takes what is felt, but not stated verbally and expresses it for a person
through it’s behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In this work we also find
metaphors and people love metaphors! The horse is big; so are our problems, the
horse ignores us, people sometimes ignore us, the horse needs a lot of care,
people need a lot of care. These parallels are being recognized constantly in
Equine Counseling. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Let’s not underestimate the
power of fun and adventure. Being with the horse is enjoyable, it is even
magical for a lot of people. It is also a perfect vehicle for increasing the
ability to stay calm and regulate our anxiety quickly. We learn to be calm for
the horse; what a powerful motivator. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Learning to manage and direct
a horse is an incredible confidence booster. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">In a traditional Cognitive
Behavioral Approach Model a client who is struggling with believing in herself
may be asked to list reasons she should have more confidence. In Equine
Assisted Counseling the client would be asked to say these reasons out loud
while leading a horse around a ring. The horse won’t follow the client if they
don’t really believe what they are saying. As soon as the client truly believes
in herself the horse will respond differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">These
are different ways to interact with and relate to a horse according to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Kay Trotter author of “Equine Assisted
Counseling” :</span></div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tactile
and touching: Includes grooming or giving the horse a massage. Interacting
with such large animals empowers the client while increasing self-esteem
and self-confidence. The rhythmic motion of grooming can also be soothing
and calming for both the horse and client.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Verbal:
The way the client speaks to the horse can reveal how the individual
relates to other people.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Riding
and groundwork: Leading the horse from the ground or in the saddle can
provide insight into a client’s sense of power or helplessness.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Equine assisted therapy offers kids
with emotional and behavioral issues a safe environment in which to work
through issues of fear, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, poor communication and
much more. By teaching the child how to work with and communicate with the
horse, the therapist will be directly and indirectly teaching the child how to
apply these same skills in inter-personal relationships and build upon their
relationship with the “Self”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For more information on Equine Assisted Counseling contact Tanya at tanya@newlevelcounseling.com </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-34263242622210931132015-11-10T18:14:00.001-08:002015-11-10T18:14:31.537-08:00Anger Can Be A Tool For ChangeAnger, especially for women, gets a bad-rap. Studies show that women
do a great deal of tap dancing to avoid expressing anger. We may feel
comfortable enough feeling the anger, but it is not always clear to us
women how we should express it. Often, anger is disguised and shows up
through tears, submission, withdrawal, self deprecation, even
despondency. When our fuse is at it's end there may be a scene with
shouting and blaming. None of these responses are helping people
harness the power behind anger.<br />
<br />
Yes, anger is powerful. That
might be one reason why women are not comfortable feeling it. Some
people aren't comfortable with that sort of power. Women are
historically conditioned to be more pleasing and caring and thus don't
"do" anger. In Harriet Goldhor Lerner's book "The Dance of Anger", she
explores why
women collectively have this unfulfilled relationship with anger. We
live in a culture that doesn't value angry women and so we aren't taught
how to manage or communicate this emotion effectively. Women usually
don't think anger is an acceptable feeling and strive to "rise above
it".<br />
<br />
True, screaming like an angry child doesn't usually work for
adults, but when harnessed effectively anger becomes more about
asserting oneself, righting a wrong, and reorganizing the balance of
power. When we work with our anger it can become our ally in our
pursuit for fulfilling our needs. Anger tells us when change is in
order. When an individual attends to their anger with respect and
acceptance it can be one of the most motivating, life altering states of
consciousness.<br />
<br />
Here are four steps to take in order to make anger more effective in your life...<br />
<br />
To
begin with, try taking a breath and consciously recognizing that you
are angry. Allow yourself to be okay with simply feeling the anger. <br />
<br />
Next,
ask yourself what is making you angry; what is the belief behind the
anger...this is harder than it sounds and takes some practice. Rather
than staying stuck on the view that a person made you angry, try asking
what about this person has violated a belief or principle you have. It
is your anger; recognize that it is about you. "Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others" (<i>Harriet Goldhor Lerner)</i>. <br />
<br />
Thirdly,
take responsibility for getting your needs met. Affirm them to either
yourself or verbally to the person with whom you are in conflict with.
Speak up before you build resentment.<br />
<br />
Lastly, be prepared to
confront. Even if you do it with the jitters or an edge to your voice.
You don't have to say it perfectly the first time; strive to make your
position clear. Feel free to phrase your dialogue with, "This is
difficult for me to address, but"...<br />
<br />
It can be helpful to substitute anger for an alternative variation like assertiveness when you are struggling with discomfort around feeling anger. Remind yourself that assertiveness is a
positive and accepted expression of anger. This may help you become more comfortable with your experience around anger. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-5385651955335809212015-03-20T17:08:00.000-07:002015-03-20T17:08:24.658-07:00The Artistic Soul
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I recently had the privilege
of meeting an acclaimed poet. A neighbor, David Bottoms, the current “</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Poet Laureate” of Georgia</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">honored our small neighborhood book club by attending
our meeting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I came away from a lovely evening
of poem reading and discussion with the affirmative reminder that the soul
needs to express itself, and artful expression accomplishes this communication
like no other media. The creative arts allow us to tap into the numinous nature
of our soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Creative expression helps lay the pavers toward wholeness
and connects us to that which is greater than our small ego consciousness.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> In my work I am always reminded of the healing power found within the
arts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children, perhaps because they are
still fresh from the Source of all Life, seem to need the arts like they need
fresh air and love. They naturally tune into and are drawn to these forms of self-expression.
When words evade us, visual art fills in the gaps both for communication and self-understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Teenagers with their changing
bodies, brains and worlds, seem to find such ease in exploring dance, poetry,
music and art. They feel their emotions so deeply at this juncture in their
lives. This can be quiet overwhelming for them. Art lends itself with ease as a
means to express the torrent of emotions and helps teens to make sense of their
changing experiences. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is as adults that we commonly abandon our creative
selves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">This can often lead to
melancholy, depression, and anxiety. As adults we still have so much to gain
from our artistic pursuits. Our artistic impulses beckon us to attend to them
and act on them, for these energies arise from secret springs within our
unconscious. They give voice, however faint and mysterious to the inner spirit
that is trying to make itself known to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tanya Kuschnitzky MA.Ed. LPC</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-67688009476930671972015-01-01T19:05:00.001-08:002015-01-01T19:05:13.313-08:00Tips on Co-Creating the LIfe you Desire<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How much influence do you feel you have in your life? How would it feel if you decided to think of yourself as a co-creator of your life story?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The concept of being a co-creator fills us with a sense of power and motivation. It gives us a feeling that not everything is left up to chance. It essentially means that you help to create what happens in your life. There are other undetermined forces at work that shape your life, but you as a co-creator assist in molding and forming the events, like fingers in clay; to sculpt what you imagine. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The ability to set goals, feel
motivation and confidence is alive and thriving in those who have an
internal locus of control </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(perception of control for one's own life and action). A belief that the events in their life
don't just happen to them by mischance but rather because of the choices they
did or didn't make, provides people with a greater self esteem and less
anxiety than those who feel that they have little to no influence on
outcomes. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are times of course when life simply hands you a bunch of lemons and no matter how positive your thoughts and actions are</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> there is simply no sugar to be found to remedy the situation. The idea of being an active co-creator even under the sourest of times can give us the courage it takes to continue to live your life with curiosity and vigor. You have done the best you could do with the information you had and it's best to move on with a new vision; lemons and all. Just as bitters in the herbal world are healing, bitter in life can be transformational for us emotionally. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Disappointments in your results as co-creator of your life will naturally happen. Our plans and goals have a way of changing in mid air. As you mold the clay of your next venture you may start out thinking that you
are sculpting a magical unicorn and instead end up with a tea pot;
however at least your tea pot is functional. In other words, although the tea pot isn't exactly what you set out to create, it still serves a purpose and it's presence in your life is there because of your own efforts. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Positive affirmations and positive imagery are affective tools to help hone in on your own power of positive planning in an effort to bring about shifts toward goal fulfillment. There are many contemplative co-creating exercises that can be utilized in helping someone to get clarity about what they long for. Clarity is important to assess where you are in your life path and where you would like to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Working with the concept of acting as a co-creator brings a personal vision closer to manifestation. Some suggestions besides affirmations and visualizations are creating collages, or dream boards, music and poetry. Other creative endeavors such as patch work quilting, painting, etc. can be done with the intention of focusing on what you want to create in your life; be it love, health, success. Repeating a mantra throughout the day or prayerful visualization are other ways of tuning into what you want and allowing for gradual manifestation. Gratitude for what is going well in your life is a good place to start in order to generate the mind frame of acceptance and an open heart for the future. </span><br />
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<br />
<br />
For personalized, therapeutic attention on enhancing your co-creating strengths call Tanya Kuschnitzky MA.Ed., LPC for an appointment at 404-702-8474. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-26004107680214954682014-09-01T18:02:00.003-07:002014-09-01T18:02:54.106-07:00School StressSchool is back in session and along with it comes the stress! Between packing lunches, transporting kids back and forth from extra curricular activities and keeping up with their homework, let alone staying on top of your own responsibilities, stress is in the air. On a positive note, you will get use to the routine once more (just in time for Winter Break!)<br />
Parents are often surprised to hear from their children that they are stressed out. Kids experience stress just like adults. Whether young or old, stress is a part of our lives. Kids have social stress and performance stress, family stress and personal stress. In some ways their stress can be more profound because of the lack of control and influence they have in their lives. They don't have as many choices as adults do. Their choices are limited to what the adults in their lives dole out to them. <br />
<br />
With all the stress that parents have in their daily lives, they may fail to show compassion for their children when they show signs of stress. "What do they have to be stressed about?" they wonder, "they have it easy compared to adults". This perspective is often quite demoralizing for kids who are feeling a true response based on their own experience. Adults have lived on this planet for many years and have built up personal resources and developed useful coping skills. Kids have only a limited range of life experiences from which to pull. It's nearly impossible for them to put themselves in their parents shoes in order to compare how others experience stress. They only know what it's like being in school and facing the demands that go along with that. This is their reality. <br />
<br />
Studies show that when parents actively support their children in building coping skills and practice a communication technique called active listening, kids have a greater chance of being successful in overcoming their obstacles. Parents can begin by showing understanding and compassion for their children; even reflecting and sharing stories about their school years. It is important for kids to feel that they are not alone in what they feel. Teaching kids guided meditation or breathing and mindfulness techniques are extremely effective. CD's for kids meditation and guided imagery are readily available on you tube and Amazon, and possibly your local library.<br />
<br />
<br />
Providing healthy meals for your kids loaded with good protein as often as time will allow is imperative. Without adequate nutrition our bodies and brains can easily spiral downwards with the slightest shove from stress. Incorporating a B Complex Supplement has been shown to aid our nervous system in retaliating against the effects of stress. <br />
<br />
Our teens need as much sleep as our toddlers, even though they may resist this! Sleep is necessary in order to recover and reboot from the days events.<br />
<br />
Encourage your child to get at least 20 min. of physical exercise a day. It's a wonderful way to work out the cortisol (stress hormone) from the body. <br />
<br />
If you are familiar with these basics and have these elements in place, here are a few other ideas to incorporate. I had a physician who told me she believed in the powers of fresh air and sunshine to aid in the healing process; you don't hear that too often anymore, but I think she was very wise in spreading this advise. Allow kids the opportunity to connect to nature by being outside. Observing the trees, the bugs, the birds, etc. reminds us that we are a part of something greater. The concept of feeling a part of a greater whole is comforting. There is a constancy and peacefulness in nature that waits for us to tune into it and then shares it's essence with us.<br />
<br />
Sometimes your children may need to simply talk out their feelings. In times like these it's important to listen attentively and not jump into advise giving. Problem solve with their help, ask for their input on how they see themselves improving on an issue. The more influence they perceive themselves having on their lives, the more effective they feel and the more they will be able to handle stress in present and in the future! <br />
<br />
For more information or to make an appointment email tanya@newlevelcounseling.com<br />
404-702-8474Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-52379826079388006312014-06-07T19:45:00.000-07:002014-06-07T19:45:55.854-07:00Listening to your inner child…who said that?Whether you remember your childhood in great detail or not, your early experiences affect you even as an adult. And although you may be more focused on the here and now, those formative years are still playing their tune within your psyche; conscious or not. As adults we imagine ourselves to be just that, adults. We assume we are rational and logical and our reactions are justified. But what about those times when we leave the level grounds of logic. What is happening to you when you come face to face with your unexplained emotions? Those time when you feel inexplicable sadness, worry or anger. When someone says something in a particular way and you feel your face get hot and your voice begin to rise of its own accord? Who is speaking through you during those times? Carl Jung assisted his patients in identifying these moments and called this issues, "Complexes". A complex is as Jungian Analyst, James Hollis concisely defines, "the energy-charged clusters of our history". <br />
<br />
These complexes appear throughout your childhood. You could say they are your "buttons"; when pushed you react. There are several therapies that enlist the inner child for change in behavior; Narrative Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Depth Psychology, Transactional Analysis and others. All of these modalities strive to differentiate the wounded inner child from the rest of the personality. Once it's identified the client and the therapist work together to enhance healing and awareness at the level where the conflict resides. One of my favorite therapy questions from Dr. Hollis is "to whom/what is this behavior in service to?" When answered "the past", a person can begin to dialogue with the inner child. This technique is very effective in creating change. <br />
<br />
By accessing your inner child you increase your ability to stop overreacting and begin to be able to respond to moments of tension with more self control. With your new found awareness into your belief system, the plight of wounded-ness begins to heal; sometimes the issue that once was there becomes obsolete. <br />
It is a powerful and enlightening process. <br />
<br />
"It is a bewildering thing in human life that the thing that causes the greatest fear is the source of the greatest wisdom" C.G. JungAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-38442593936961235482014-04-05T15:07:00.001-07:002014-04-05T15:09:21.354-07:00A Brief Introduction to Herbal Healing<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Have you ever used Aloe Vera Gel on a sunburn, or
drank Peppermint Tea for a stomachache? If so then you have practiced
herbal medicine! Our herbal, plant friends have been helping us for
centuries. There is nothing “new age” about herbs. Among the earliest
compilations of herbal information is from both China and the Sumerians, dating
back to 2700 BC. The list of herbal history continues with the Egyptians,
Greeks, Romans, Europeans, and Native American Indians…in fact every
civilization on the planet has had a healing relationship with the plants the people
found in their home environment. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">You might think of herbs as our natural helper in
healing. Just like vegetables, herbs are food, and they are
packed with nutrients, and other components that promote healing and wellness.
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Illness and its symptoms are a result of our body
having lost its homeostasis or equilibrium. Conditions such as stress,
toxins, inappropriate diet, poor sanitation, etc. contribute to weakening
immunity, making us susceptible to illness. Herbs are foods that help to
correct the imbalance by aiding the body’s systems. The noticeable results
when taking herbs do vary.</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Some people
see results quickly, others may need to stay consistent for longer.</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Long term benefits take </span><span style="font-size: 21px;">commitment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">As Michael Tierra outlines in his book<i>
"The Way of Herbs"</i>, traditional herbal preparations are divided
into eight methods of therapy that can be chosen, depending on what the
desired effect is for the body. Often these methods are combined for
effective treatments for what ails us.</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1.
Stimulation 2. Tranqualization 3. Blood Purification<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>4.
Tonification 5. Diuresis 6. Sweating 7. Emesis 8. Purging<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Although the study of herbal medicine is quite
involved and many traditions vary in how they approach healing the body, anyone
can incorporate herbs into their lives. One simple way to do this is by
cooking with more herbs, fresh or dry. For example ginger is one of the
most versatile herbal stimulants, and can be taken as a tea, capsule or eaten
in food. It improves digestion, treats colds, and decreases muscle pain (when
applies externally). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">When wanting to utilize herbs as medicine,
capsules, tinctures, decoctions or strong teas taken daily is the usual
protocol; liniments, oils, poultices are used on the skin for absorption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">One truly wonderful quality about herbs is that
they work on the body as a whole and are good for us on many levels of healing.
Marjoram for example is an antispasmodic, diaphoretic, carminative, tonic,
expectorant, stimulant and emmenagogue.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> It’s
even useful for seasickness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">There are wonderful and soothing herbs people
enjoy using for emotional upsets that can cause sleeplessness, anxiety, or
depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hops, Chamomile, Valerian,
Lemon Balm, Kava Kava and St. John’s Wort are a few to look into if you are
suffering from these conditions. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">There are some points to consider when using
herbs. Pregnant women should use caution and do their homework when using
certain herbs, especially the ones called emmenagogues and those promoting
uterine contractions. Also, negative reviews by the FDA regarding
the use of certain herbs exist. These judgments were based on the
presence of a toxic substance that was extracted from the plant and then
administered in large quantities to laboratory animals. The problem with
the findings, according to many herbalists, is that this is not an example of
how herbal medicine is practiced. Herbs are ingested as a whole; either
the roots, the leaves, flowers, seeds or the entire plant is used;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as a whole chemical composition, the herbs
have a different reaction on the body. Also, herbs should be ingested
with awareness and moderation rather than extreme excess. </span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">
Tierra, Michael "The Way of Herbs" </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">The world of herbs is such a useful and vital
resource for our healing. They provide us with a sense of power over our
own healing process and can work in conjunction with western medicine.
Herbal medicine is a beautiful and powerful way to health. With a bit of
research and self-education and some creative thinking, anyone can incorporate
herbs into their life and reap the rewards. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">If you would like to learn more about how
herbalism can help you, call or email Tanya for an appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="mailto:Tanya@newlevelcounseling.com/404-702-8474">tanya@newlevelcounseling.com/404-702-8474</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">For more information regarding Tanya’s counseling
practice visit her website; newlevelcounseling.com</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Resources: Rosemary Gladstar's Family Herbal: A
Guide to Living Life with Energy, Health and Vitality; Rosemary Gladstar</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Healing Spices: How to Use 50 Everyday and Exotic
Spices to Boost health and Beat Disease; Bharat Aggarwal and Debora Yost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Going Natural with Herbs, Integrating herbs into
everyday use; Maureen Kernion, M.S.</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-15606624933769630822014-01-30T13:20:00.001-08:002014-01-30T13:20:08.803-08:00New Year Resolution Success StrategyIt's a new year; time to dust off those resolutions left over from last year, or time to make new ones. Chances are you have a few goals that were not fulfilled, right? You started off with great expectations and plans, but plans have a way of falling in mid flight. <br />
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I have people coming to me wanting change; wanting to improve an area of their life. Change is not a quick visit to the grocery store. We don't pick what we need, come home and cook it up. Change is slow and often deliberate. It takes a concerted effort to bring about a desired result. Also, if your goal isn't heart-felt then you won't succeed. You will lose steam, for nothing is fueling your engine. I believe this is one reason why many resolutions fall flat. <br />
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When creating your list of resolutions take the time to day dream first. This avoids the, "But I can't because"... self talk that bursts the bubble of creative thinking. There is no harm in imagining something happening. Let your inner child have some fun in the process.<br />
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Then, make a list of goals you have dreamed of. Next, focus in on the ideas that really create a sparkle of curiosity, interest, desire and or need. These are the states of being that serve as your fuel. Finally, zero in on the two or three goals that are most practical and manageable in consideration of available time and finances. Don't be afraid to make a long term goal if you need to save up money to accomplish your idea. Let your short term goal be bite size, like putting money away monthly to save up for the big final goal. <br />
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The other reason for failure is we bite off more than we can chew. Start small and get comfortable with stage one first, then increase as needed. For example do not plan on going to the gym five days a week when you currently aren't even going once a week. Start with one day and work your way into the routine. We may be big dreamers, but there is a lot that needs to happen between dreaming and doing. Don't forget, change is a process. Let yourself celebrate your small successes while you stay with your process. <br />
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Not sure where to begin? Here is a journaling question to get you started on your resolution! "<i>What change is needed that would bring me more in alignment with the life I desire?"</i><br />
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<i>"I am an unlimited Being; I can create anything I want; my dreams come true". S. Roman & D. Packer</i><br />
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<b>To make an appointment with Tanya for counseling, email or call; tanya@newlevelcounseling.com / 404-702-8474</b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-67986977397869115562013-12-01T08:41:00.000-08:002013-12-01T08:41:33.186-08:00Let the Shadows Fall Behind - Embracing GratitudeHave you ever wondered why it is so much easier to complain than to be joyful? Finding fault with our lives comes so naturally; it flows forth from our lips in a tidal wave when given the chance to empty. We are seemingly full of negativity. <div>
But, to find gratitude we grapple. We need to pause and ponder. We need books to assist us, religion to remind us how blessed we are, we even have a holiday to help us reconnect to the thankfulness we have disconnected from during the year. </div>
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Carl Jung termed this negative seeking side in our psyche "Schadenfreude"meaning pleasure in sadness; (the German language captures such profoundness in their compound words! ). Eckhard Tolle says we are all too attached to "the pain body"; the side of us that is invested in our physical and emotional discomforts. In Buddhism, it is said that in life there is suffering and in our illusory minds we are attached to that suffering. </div>
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I say, we are not born that way. I've been around a lot of young children and I've never met a toddler who chooses sadness over happiness. Show a grumpy or hurt toddler a flower, an animal, a truck, and they are in awe, smiling radiantly at the wonders life offers. They connect to gratitude in an instant and their discomfort has been forgotten. True, life is uncomplicated at that age, but the point is we are born optimistic, with our glasses half full. </div>
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It stands to reason that we lose something in our maturing process. Or perhaps something infiltrates our original, optimistic outlook. </div>
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The Chinese people, I have been told, believed that if you complimented a baby/child, or you are too optimistic, the jealous Gods would hear your boast and ruin your plans, maim your child, and so forth. So they tuned their positive statements down, claimed the negative instead, to trick the Gods. </div>
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Our culture has a similar attitude about optimism and gratitude. We don't like to "count our chickens before they hatch". We try not to appear too content so others won't begrudge our contentedness. </div>
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It's a confusing relationship we have with thankfulness. Only at the aforementioned moments are we supposed to tap that window glass to admire it. We must keep it at arms length. Yet, we all feel so good when we are thankful. </div>
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Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese Doctor did research on water crystals and emotions. Astonishingly, he found that the microscopic crystalline structure of water changed when different emotional energy surrounded the water. (For more information, see <a href="http://www.whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/">What the Bleep do we Know!?</a>) </div>
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The most beautiful crystalline shape was created when gratitude and love surrounded the water. </div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Now imagine what our bodies and blood would look like if we could maintain our state of gratitude. Imagine sharing that with others and spreading that instead of our "pain body". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Shifting our perception onto the things that are working in our life and unplugging our attention from the things that aren't working is a common practice in counseling. It can be transformative. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Without the darkness we wouldn't recognize the light, but let's not give the darkness all the attention. Try turning to the light instead and embrace gratitude.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>"In the activites of the mind, keep optimistic - even when everything goes wrong. Turn thy face to the light and the shadows fall behind "- Edgar Cayce</i></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-32092931009710816922013-11-15T11:14:00.004-08:002013-11-22T16:40:13.129-08:00What is the Grieving Process?Grieving is a process, as everyone who has experienced it knows. It is a process that varies for all of us. There is no right or wrong way to go through the grieving process. Finding the most personally reflective way to grieve is what becomes important. <br />
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Most of us are familiar with Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross' stages of grieving. These stages are not fixed. We move in and out of these stages randomly bouncing from one to the other. It is not a step by step sequence. You may even skip a stage. The following excerpt is taken from her book "On Death and Dying". "<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 25px;">the so-called “stage theory” are merely a set of categories artificially isolated and separately described so that the author can discuss each of these experiences more clearly and simply. The careful reader will note Kübler-Ross’s own repeated warnings that many of these “stages” overlap, occur together, or even that some reactions are missed altogether. To emphasize this conditional way of talking about stages, the word “stages” was even put in inverted commas to emphasize their tentative nature in the only diagrammatic representation of these ideas in her book.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 25px;">The following is Dr. Ross' diagram model: </span></i></span><br />
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Grieving isn't just something we experience when a loved one dies. We grieve when we have a change; even happy changes can spark a grieving reaction with in us, as we release the old to make room for the new. From sad events like a death, a divorce, a loss of employment, to happier events such as a move, a graduation, a new baby, retirement ... the old life dies and the new life moves in. But it's more like moving through taffy. Change is slow and sticky and we need to warm up to it before it can become more fluid. What we are truly mourning is not only loss, but essentially the change in our life as a result of the event.<br />
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I read an autobiography once who's title and author escapes me, but I recall how the author was going through a divorce and at the same time developed a chronic illness. She decided to be a "conscious" griever. When she felt like screaming, she found a time and place to do so ASAP! When she wanted to cry, she didn't swallow her tears. She allowed the pain she felt to have a voice when and how it needed to express itself. She experienced a transition from pain to peace in a relatively short time; she claimed 2 weeks was all it took for her to embrace her new life. No suppression; just expression. <br />
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A year is the stated "typical" time frame for people to come to some neutral place of acceptance. One year to accept - not heal completely, or be back to normal. Healing is slow. But how much of this is due to all of our "stiff upper lip" mentality? What would change for us if we stayed with our suffering and gave it an outlet whenever it chose to wash over us? Like a wave washing up on the shore; it will recede again. Nothing stays the same, not even our pain. <br />
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If you are grieving, no matter the reason; and you're not coming to terms with your life in a satisfying manner; than consider seeking therapy to assist. Bioenergetics body work therapy, dream work, and expressive arts are all excellent means of working out the suffering that has stored itself within our psyche. Often a few sessions will ease the load greatly; leaving a promise of a hopeful tomorrow. Remember to treat yourself with velvet gloves; softly and gently, and do the things that warm your heart. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-66804666737756793932013-10-23T18:45:00.002-07:002013-10-23T18:45:38.816-07:00What are natural and logical consequences? <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am frequently asked by my clients with children about the use of natural and logical consequences and how they can be more effective in guiding our kids to improved choice making. I have to reflect back to one of my first encounters with the value of natural consequences.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One of my "wise women" mentors advised me after the birth of my baby boy to not put too much energy into "baby-proofing" the house. She felt it was all unnecessary and that a child will learn better if everything remained natural in the home environment. She recommended not moving all my porcelain nick-nacks and vases. "Allow the baby to grow up seeing and normalizing all the precious things so he can learn to be gentle and careful at times" she said. "Do this right from the start to condition him" was her advice. To save myself a lot of redecorating trouble, I followed her suggestion and happily she was correct. My little boy developed his ability to be careful and gentle quickly. He seemed to enjoy sitting with me and handling (with my help), a music box or a tea cup. These interactions enabled him to develop "soft touches" that later transferred when playing with other children. He had learned the concept of "gentle". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This experience was one of natural consequences. These traits were learned through a natural sequence of events. I did not have to intercede. The breakable nick-nacks stayed put and the child learned naturally that this was normal to see and be around such things, and in addition, that mommy praised him when he was gentle with certain things in the house. These skills then later help him control his actions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now, what about logical consequences? These involve some action taken by the care-taker. If for example, my son had been too rough with something, then the logical consequence would be to put that item away until he could show me he could be gentle. Another classic example of a logical consequence is when a child leaves his/her bicycle out in the street and it gets run over; the child has to earn the money to pay for a new one. The child is being held accountable for his actions. Or let's say that he/she gets into something they are not supposed to and makes a mess. They have to be part of the clean up and maybe even the replacing of what they wasted. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The missing link in making these effective is the communication that needs to happen after one of these learning opportunities arise. An age appropriate conversation has to take place after the dust has settled, exploring how choices and actions resulted in the consequences and how these choices and actions effect others. Then you need to pile on the praise when they have done what was asked. This is the glue that holds the memory strong. Forgiveness and praise! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Taking away the i-pad because the child has a temper tantrum at the store hasn't any sequential logic. It's too far a stretch for a child to understand. Try to bridge the behavior to the consequence so that they can learn from their experience. Then discuss what took place when everyone is calm again and help them see the connection. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Guiding our children in ways that make sense, tying actions and choices to their natural and logical consequences is the foundation for effective boundary setting and creates safety and clear expectations for kids. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For more information on how to be the most effective parent you can be, call or email me to set up a consultation. It could prove to be invaluable! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="mailto:tanya@newlevelcounseling.com">tanya@newlevelcounseling.com</a>, 404-702-8474</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-19429017464114450832013-09-22T19:15:00.000-07:002013-10-16T19:18:13.059-07:00The Importance of Wise Women I was expecting my first baby, and naturally I wanted to do everything right. I had all the necessities, felt materially prepared, but still was in awe of this birthing and parenting process. Although I wanted to be viewed as competent, I was logical enough to know I didn't know everything and couldn't be expected to.<br />
A family friend was visiting; she had known me as a small child and was a dear friend to my mother. She had a warm but no-nonsense approach that made me feel secure around her. I trusted her. We spent the afternoon talking about this and that, but every now and then she would offer some practical advise. I had other women, older than me who periodically passed some small tidbit about motherhood down to me, like a precious jewel that you don't realize is a gem until it comes time to use it. These women were a blessing to me. Little by little, these Goddesses added more and more to my sense of assuredness and confidence that I could take on this incredibly difficult, life or death challenge, successfully. I began to wonder if other women have such women in their lives and do they recognize who they are and what value they hold?<br />
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It was so vital to my development to have these wise women in my life at this critical time. <br />
This type of practical but positive influence was truly imperative during my growth period. In hind sight, I see that a great deal of my ability to mother effectively comes from these wonderful women. My own mother and other mother figures in my life contributed to this pool of "wisdom". This gathering of information, this sifting of the good grains from the bad, is our preparation work to feel our inner wise mother unfold. We don't learn parenting from just books; we don't learn it from just our mother. We can't just "wing it". We must look through the volumes of information all the wise women in our lives have to offer. We are then able to gather enough good and useful information to create our own volume on mothering.<br />
Making it your own style is the next stage of development. Learning to trust your own resources, your own voice is something I encourage not only in the new mothers who come to me for assistance, but also the experienced ones who are needing some more information to fill their book on parenting. We are always adding new material to our skill log when it comes to parenting and this is a good thing; for we are never wise enough not to do so.<br />
Look around at the people in your life and examine what impact they could have on you positively, or have had on you already. It is only when we make an effort to be aware of the value people bring to our life that we become conscious enough to recognize that we are not alone and we are supported by those around us. Then we can utilize and personalize their knowledge that they offer, giving it credence and allowing them to make an impact. <br />
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To learn more parenting tools call me for a consultation @ 404-702-8474, or email me <a href="mailto:tanya@newlevelcounseling.com">tanya@newlevelcounseling.com</a>. Visit my website for more information; <a href="http://newlevelcounseling.com/">newlevelcounseling.com</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-39320107818817403412013-09-10T11:21:00.000-07:002013-09-10T11:21:04.041-07:00Presence in Parenting"Mindfulness" and "being in the moment" are concepts that are becoming more popular in our culture. People everywhere are realizing that living a frenzied lifestyle may keep us busy, but it doesn't usually lead to satisfaction. These concepts of centeredness and mindfulness are bridges to calmness.<br />
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So, how often during your day do you close your eyes and breathe long enough to feel the tension leave your body? My guess is not often enough. Try it now. With your inhalation bring your awareness to your lungs, expanding and dropping into your body. In yoga we focus on the breath and how it moves through the body, creating space for the body to lengthen, or relax. Even if you don't do yoga this simple breathing practice can be integrated into daily life, creating a more centered experience regardless of the chaos around you. <br />
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How present are you with your children? Tuning into the moment while interacting with your them is a simple, but powerful way to connect. Much of our dialogue with our children is based on questions and answers. "Did you feed the dog?" "Did you do your homework?" These type of interactions are necessary, but they don't bring us closer. <br />
When we as parents stop, breathe and focus on the moment we hone our ability to engage in a meaningful encounter. Even if we have 10 minutes time to connect. Those 10 minutes leave us feeling satisfied rather than empty.<br />
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If you have small children who like to be tucked into bed, laying next to them and breathing with their rhythm of breath can be a way to tune into them energetically; it's a soothing practice. When playing with them, bring awareness to the connection you are creating. Allow your internal observer to observe the interaction and come alive to the bond that is present.<br />
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When we have someones attention we see it in their eyes and feel it in their body energy. When in the moment we are in a state of acceptance rather than judgement. This gives our children the energetic freedom o be real with us; to express themselves in an authentic way. For all of us, not just our kids, it is good therapy to feel that unconditional, positive acceptance when we are in the presence of someone who is simply THERE with us.<br />
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<i>Take my hand. </i><br />
<i>We will Walk.</i><br />
<i>We will only walk.</i><br />
<i>We will enjoy our walk,</i><br />
<i>without thinking of arriving anywhere. </i><br />
<i>Walk peacefully. </i><br />
<i>Walk happily. Our walk is a peace walk. </i><br />
<i>Our walk is a happiness walk. - Thich Nhat Hanh</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-29038814675397090632013-08-22T18:05:00.000-07:002013-10-16T19:15:33.136-07:00The Unloved Self: The ShadowThere is a part of us that lurks in the shadows of our mind. A part of us shunned and stunted and cut off from the life flow. An unloved part, C.G.Jung termed "shadow". The time has come to shed some light on this dark aspect of personality. It is the tyrant in our unconscious that is the cause of much conflict and sabotaging decision making that leads us into trouble. Our acting out and misbehaving is born out of the unseen shadow within. Paradoxically, our over-identification with behaving ourselves is also born out of this obscure dimension. <br />
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When we deny elements of our self, we become inflexible, unyielding, controlling & judgmental. We lose our innate spontaneity. When events don't happen as expected, we struggle and resist; having lost our resilience in that moment. Our world turns from a rainbow of colors to only grey, black, and white.<br />
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"A composite of characteristics and potentialities which have been denied expression in life. It contains inferior qualities which the ego will not permit it to recognize. But because it is accessible to the ego, it assists the ego in adapting and thus contains positive content as well as negative." The <i>Shadow</i> defined by C.G. Jung. <br />
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Familiar with the phrase, "The outer reflects the inner?" If your world is full of negative, or simply annoying people for example, then the place to go to begin to amend this is to your shadow.<br />
In the words of June Singer, Jungian analyst; "What we cannot admit in ourselves we often find in others."<br />
I have my clients make a list of all things they dislike about someone in particular. Then they make a list of how they personally act out at times. They then compare the two lists. Or, if acting out isn't the issue, then one can write why someone would want to act that way. What benefit is received by behaving a particular way that is not approved of. You might ask yourself: <i>How am I like this person? How do I compensate, & sacrifice to avoid acting like this person? Is my current behavior in alignment with who I am, or do I force myself to the degree of cutting a part of myself off? </i><br />
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When you soften judgements by shifting a perspective, you make room for your shadow to blend in with the light. Welcoming an attitude of open discernment rather than judgment, for your own actions as well as others, can leave you with peace instead of harshness. As you accept your own negative stuff you step into self love; when we connect with self love we open up to love in general. Aren't we all happier when we live with love rather than judgement? Through conscious attention we can find ways to transform and tame the negative in us into something helpful; there in lies the potential of who we can be. <br />
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Does this mean you can go ahead and act on all your negative impulses? Of course not. You must use your own conscious (ego) mind to mediate between your shadow thoughts and your conscious choices to move your actions toward what is best for all involved. To accept and understand our shadow doesn't mean it's in our best interest to act out the shadow. And remember, intention is everything. <br />
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Visit my website <a href="http://newlevelcounseling.com/">newlevelcounseling.com</a> for more information on Jungian Depth Therapy, or call for a consultation. 404-702-8474Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-11982598137052178152013-08-13T19:01:00.000-07:002013-08-13T19:21:22.015-07:00The Smoothness of Being"The Smoothness of Being"... that was the mantra that came to me during a wonderful Savasana, or "corpse pose" experience right after my yoga class. For my non-yoga readers, Savasana is the state of relaxation and meditation that occurs after the yoga class. In fact the yoga itself is the set up for the entry point into Savasana. Yoga moves the body and relaxes the mind so that the mind can slow its' chatter to allow for a deeper Savasana. <br />
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Moments of insight are rare or brief, even in meditation. Often it just feels good; but this time as I was lying there, I felt the smoothness of the floor beneath me. My mind jumped suddenly to a time when I wasn't happy in my life. A time before I myself entered into counseling. It was a time when it was a struggle to be in my body, dealing with so many disappointments and conflicting emotions. But through the therapeutic journey I felt better and better, until I gained a "smoothness" in being myself again. My internal monsters didn't scare me any longer and when they did appear it was ok; I could accept them. It became easier to be in my body, to be in my brain. I could stop myself from getting caught up in the struggle within and instead I could honor the timing of my life as it played out its story. <br />
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C.G. Jung has brought us the gift of working with our "Shadow" our "unrecognized,<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;">unconscious aspect of the personality. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects which may also remain hidden in one's shadow." The shadow, Jung believed, is "the seat of our creativity."</span></span><br />
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What I find so important to remember is the shadow is a bridge between the conscious and the unconscious, the inner world and the outer world and it is necessary and vital. Not something to be irradicated or even shunned. Like all of our aspects in our personality, shadow aspects play an important role. Debbie Ford wrote a fabulous book on how to work with shadow called <u>The Dark Side of The Light Chasers.</u><br />
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Learning to love what we have created thus far in our lives shifts the focus off of what is broken and moves our awareness to what is still whole; because let's face it, there is always something broken or about to break in our lives - we don't have to be perfect to do our life's work, and to accomplish our goals, or even to fix what we can. When we begin to appreciate ourselves and how far we have come in this moment, then we lose our roughness, and tightness, and allow for the smoothness of being ourselves, as we journey forward in creating the life we desire and deserve.<br />
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"For happiness , how little suffices for happiness!...the least thing precisely, the gentlest thing, the lightest thing, a lizard's rustling, a breath, a disk, an eye glance - little maketh up the best happiness. Be still" - <i>Nietzsche</i>. <br />
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"Try to be like the turtle- at ease in your own shell" - <i>Bill Copeland.</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-26671725911731639222013-07-26T18:52:00.001-07:002013-10-16T19:13:49.584-07:00All I want to do is Dream"<i>All I want to do is dream.</i>.." (song by the Everly Brothers). But what can you do with these dreams that float about in your mind at night? They are intriguing; most people have found themselves curious about a particular dream experience they have had. Maybe a flying dream, or a falling dream, or nightmares. What about those reoccurring dreams? Do they mean something? This blog will give you a basic introduction on how one could start a practice of remembering dreams and why one would want to work on unravelling the mystery of your dreams. The following is one way to begin playing with dreams; it is a place to start...<br />
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There has been much fascinating research done on the role that dreams play in our lives, and for our brain development, including learning and memory. The ancient cultures all had a practice of studying their dreams; the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Native Americans, etc. In dreams amazing things happen to us and we are capable of awesome feats. To think; all of these stories are coming from your imagination! So, do they mean anything? Is it just the effect of your midnight snack that has created these bizarre stories that play out in the night behind closed eyes? Or, is it a message from your wiser self? The answer is, yes to both; sometimes it's the snack and sometimes it's the wiser self.<br />
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Dreams are said to come from the unconscious mind. That is the opposite of your conscious mind. It's the part of you that is aware of all sorts of things that your conscious mind has filtered out. It knows lots of stuff your conscious mind hasn't a clue about. Your conscious mind is too busy thinking about whether you locked your door, or if it will rain tomorrow. As my dream-guru, Dr. Carl G. Jung wrote, <i>"Consciousness can keep only a few images in full clarity at one time, and even this clarity fluctuates. The unconscious, however, has taken note of them and such subliminal sense perceptions play a significant part in our everyday lives. Without realizing it, they influence the way in which we react to both events and people." </i><br />
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So how does the unconscious relay information to us, if it's always unconscious? You guest it, through our dreams. When you have a dream that has emotional weight ( positive or negative ) for you, or is reoccurring, or simply arouses your curious nature, chances are it's worth exploring. These dreams are thought to be a form of connection with our true selves, or our psyche. The real you; not the side of you who shows up at the board meeting, or the book club. These nightly visions of wonder are speaking to you in a symbolic language and through metaphors. Your unconscious is very literal and loves a good fairy tale. <br />
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Looking at dreams through the lenses of myth and symbolic meaning is the key to forging a relationship with your dreams. Dr. Jung had a process he prescribed called "amplification". It involves making a personal association with your dream symbols and metaphors. Let's say you have a scene from a dream, or an image; ask yourself "What does this remind me of in my life?" " How does this make me feel, or think"? "What happened because of something else that happened?" Then explore the language of your dream. Do you have any play on words, or puns? Chocolate in a dream might be about the sweetness of life, the moon might be translated as the light in the darkness; meaning, the understanding coming out of confusion. Ann Faraday a British psychologist gave the example of a tidal wave in a dream having to do with a person's title, as in privileged. Record all ideas you have around a particular image from your dream. Brainstorm and personalize on your images before consulting any dream books. Dream books come in handy when you want to know about numerological meanings (a #1can mean a new beginning), and cultural/historical meanings. The final stage is exploring how these interpretations apply to your current predicament.<br />
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A person who is connecting to their dreams is connecting to their psyche. Here is the chance to listen to your inner workings and get closer to your emotional world. Regular dream work will enhance your understanding of yourself, your relationships with others and the world around you. It can lead to healing, deeper knowing, and growth. <br />
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Call for a consultation if you'd like to do more dream work on a therapeutic level! (404-702-8474)<br />
Or visit my website: <a href="http://newlevelcounseling.com/">newlevelcounseling.com</a><br />
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"<i>Dreams can provide insight into the concrete problem of making sense of ourselves.</i>" Dream Researchers Morewedge & Norton.<br />
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"<i>The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and secret recesses of the soul, opening into that cosmic night which was psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness and which will remain psyche no matter how far our ego-consciousness extends</i>." C.G.JungAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-68199722874790123562013-07-11T19:19:00.001-07:002013-07-11T19:19:52.885-07:00The Light of Poetry<table bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="0" id="table25" style="border-collapse: collapse; text-align: center; width: 631px;"><tbody>
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Some time ago, a thoughtful and wise friend pointed out that people don't seem to pay much attention to poetry like they use to in the past. She thought sadly, it might be a dying art in mainstream culture. We just don't hear it often, or read poetry much anymore. Evenings of poetry reading in libraries, cafes, or book stores no longer seem to be the thing to do. Even school children, in my experience, aren't required to memorize a poem and recite it for the class. The only poems we seem to read are in our birthday cards. </div>
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I hadn't paid much attention to poetry's presence in my life until I started thinking about what she said. It made me sensitive to my appreciation for poetry. It seemed important to not allow it to fizzle out of my life. And so I began to look for poems on line,<span style="background-color: transparent;"> I pulled my poetry books off my shelf, I read fun poems to my children, I even made a point of reading </span><span style="background-color: transparent;">the poems in the beginning of novels. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent;">The usual "I love you" notes I would place in my son's lunch box were replaced with short quotes that inspired young minds. Poetry became the art work decorating my mind. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent;">What really became apparent to me is that when a poem resonates with a truth that connects you to your own truth, it fills you with a warm calmness, reminding you that you are not alone in your experiences.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent;">Poetic truth is something that has always been known, only its been tucked away in some corner of your heart where there was never any light, until the poem flipped the switch and that truth was "enlightened". Let's keep flipping the switches on. Let's keep poems decorating the walls of our lives. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent;">It is difficult to choose the poems I want to share here now. It is like talking about movies, or books with a friend. You want to list them all so no one misses out on a good thing. I'll start with two: </span></div>
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<i>Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...</i></div>
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<i>Don't search for the answers which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. </i></div>
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<i>-Rainer Maria Rilke</i></div>
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<i>Good people, </i></div>
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<i>Most royal greening verdancy, </i></div>
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<i>rooted in the sun, </i></div>
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<i>You shine with radiant light. </i></div>
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<i>In this circle of earthly existence</i></div>
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<i>You shine so finely, </i></div>
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<i>It surpasses understanding.</i></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3189479162699704082.post-34914724960319390562013-07-04T06:21:00.000-07:002013-10-16T19:12:06.152-07:00Taking your First Steps to Therapy<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">If you have come to my blog you are probably thinking about counseling for yourself or someone you love. Maybe this is your first time looking into therapy or maybe this is an old hat for you. Either way, starting with a new therapist can be daunting. Sharing thoughts and emotions with a stranger is unusual; but it is also very freeing. A therapist is not interested in passing judgement, or giving you their life story as in "take it from me, I know what is best for you",like your best friend or your loving mother might do. A counselor is interested in helping you decide what is best for you from the perspective of attaining a balanced, more satisfying life. You don't have to worry mid sentence "Am I talking too much about myself?" You're suppose to talk about yourself. You have someone's undivided attention who has your best interest in mind; this is very comforting. In fact studies have shown that this unusual dynamic of being listened to, and feeling understood by itself has healing properties. I encourage you to move beyond your doubts, or your fears and try counseling. Even a few sessions with a trained professional can have lasting results! Visit my website <a href="http://newlevelcounseling.com/">newlevelcounseling.com</a>, and call for a consultation. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13865071499522640030noreply@blogger.com0